More Ramblings on Authenticity

I need to get this out in the open: I’m a worrier. I worry about the world around me. I worry about other people’s problems. I worry about my problems. I worry about what other people think of me. Because I worry so much, I can’t turn my mind off. It’s constantly racing: Will-I-find-a-job-do-i-even-like-what-I’m-doing-am-i-making-a-difference-does-he-like-me-ohmygoddiditurnoffthestove?!

So in an attempt to organize my thoughts, I’m writing it all down. Streamlining. Trying to simplify: Authenticity. Creativity. Mindfulness/Deliberate Living. Gratitude. Joy. That’s what I’m striving for.

Let’s start with this idea of authenticity. I throw around the term a hell of a lot lately, so I feel like I need to explain myself. To me, authenticity means, living as truly and as honestly as you can in relation to your desires, hopes, likes, interests, and character. In other words, it’s a kind of congruence between what you hold within you (your values, talents, passions) and your outer world (your relationships, jobs, interactions, community).

Side note: Authenticity as a philosophy stems from an existential term (shout out to Duquesne’s existential phenomenology program woot woot you crazy people). Wiki does a nice job in explaining it if you’re more interested in authenticity in relation to existentialism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Authenticity_(philosophy)

Even bigger side-note: I like Heidegger. He would be one of the 3 people I invite to dinner if I could invite 3 people to dinner either alive or dead. Heidegger challenges that existential authenticity is experience-oriented. The “self” is ephemeral and changes from moment to moment. Therefore, there is no authentic self only momentary authenticity within a certain situation. I wish could go on, but my head might explode.


So what’s the problem here? Shouldn’t you just do what you love when you love it and be done with it?

I’ve been struggling a bit with it. First of all, for many, it’s kind of damn hard to find what you love and then have that love supported in the “outside world”. We have therapists, we have self-help books, we have society, family, church, non-churchy things, organizations, media, friends. We have all of these options for “support systems”. Although some have better intentions than others, they can make it hard for us to distinguish our own “truth” from what people are telling us should be true.


It’s all really a multi-step process: You have to first have a sense of identity and then live in accordance to your sense of self. In order to live that way you also have to be careful not to interpret the world through institutionalized concepts and abstractions.

Then there’s the issue of selfishness. Is living this way selfish? Disregarding what other people say you should do? Yes. And maybe that’s the point. Maybe working on authenticity is the most selfish thing we can do. I’m not saying we owe the world anything, but… if we did… wouldn’t putting our best selves out into it be the greatest act we could hope to accomplish?

The 1st Impossible Thing: The Authenticity Project (not to be confused with The Happiness Project which I've never read)

Some overly happy/overly nice people make me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. You know the type I’m talking about: the bubbly girl with the permanent smile on her face. She likes to touch people a lot and tell them how pretty they are. She also seems super-concerned about your small misfortunes. She will demonstrate this by nodding her head over-empathetically and exclaiming, “Oh no, that’s so unfortunate that you didn’t have time to get your coffee this morning. If there’s anything I can do, or if you need to talk about it, I’m here.” You never quite know if she’s serious. I’m suspicious of you, overly happy/nice girl. Have you figured out some secret to life? Are you blissfully ignorant? Or are you full of shit? If you’re not full of shit, where can I get a pair of these rose colored glasses?

Now I’m not saying that people can’t be nice or can’t be happy (I like nice people. If there weren’t nice people in the world I would never be able to cut across the 4 lanes of traffic I need to cut across to get to my exit for work. Thank you nice people for letting me cut ahead of you). But there’s a difference between being a happy person and being a “happy” person.

Am I rambling?

I’ve always been drawn to authentic people. Through my training as a psychologist, I’ve learned to rely a lot on feelings. I can feel the depression when I sit across from someone who is depressed; and I can certainly feel psychosis. This feeling exists outside of words, or rating scales, or personality assessments. It’s a subtle discomfort and intuition that’s hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it. Do you know people who can change the feeling of a room by simply walking into it?

Similarly I can feel when someone is living an authentic or intentional life. There’s a way they carry themselves. They often say what they mean and mean what they say. There’s an unadulterated feeling to their happiness. There’s a genuineness to their niceness. And there’s a certain way that I feel when I’m talking to these people: in the most generic word, I feel GOOD. I want to be you, authentic person.

Awhile ago, when asked about my goals for the new year, I spit out the words: mindfulness, intentionality, and authenticity. I’m not even sure what these words mean to me in my life right now (other than they seem like philosophies/tactics that might be tremendously helpful while simultaneously being “hippie” enough to make my parents uncomfortable). But I’m going to try to uncover ‘what’ and the ‘how’ of those pretty little words. Additionally, I want to document my experiences as I research, reflect, and practice living intentionally, authentically, and mindfully.

Those of you who know me know that I can be cynical, sarcastic, pessimistic, and vulgar. This is going to be hard for me. I’m not sure what I’ve gotten myself into, and I’m not really sure what I’m doing. But I’m pretty sure that whatever it is, it's going to be interesting.